Finding Moxie

Because sometimes we need the inspiration to “Do it Afraid…”

Here’s how Hollywood’s obsession with alternate realities can help when fear sets in.

We’ve all heard variations of the quote that inspires us to go forth with things that might be good for us, despite any fear or concerns we might have. While it is an encouraging sentiment, I find myself wondering lately why must we do it afraid? Why can’t we just do it without the fear of things that may or may not happen?

Following the launch of this blog, while attempting to annul the idea that putting my thoughts “out there” for the world to read was a foolish one (because who cares what I think, right?), I was on social media sites quite a bit and happened to catch this tweet on Twitter from Jacob Teixeira, founder of Odyssey Films, “Creating something you’re proud of and sharing it with the world is one of the best feelings,” to which Author Luz C. Rios responded “Or scariest.” I wholeheartedly agreed with both. Yes, it is exciting to work on a project you’re passionate about, to fight for it, lost sleep over it, maybe even vomit a little over it. But when it’s finally realized and you’ve completed it – oh, what a feeling it is!

As an actor, I’ve been taught to do the work in preparation for a scene but to let it all go once I’m on stage or in front of the camera. I should be present. But it’s quite difficult to be “in the moment” when you’re constantly thinking about what has happened in the past. I botched a line…I didn’t get the role. Or what will happen in the future. Will I book the role…Will I become famous?

One of my favorite movie franchises is Back to the Future. In Part II (I told you we’d talk movies), the main character Marty McFly accidentally travels into the future and soon realizes that things did not pan out the way he thought. His nemesis, described as a “future” Biff Tannen in this installment of the film series, gets his hands on a vintage sports almanac from the Biff of the past. This, in turn, brings “future” Biff a lucky streak of unimaginable wealth and power. This time travel tampering alters the reality for all the characters and causes a considerable amount of chaos and destruction in the idyllic town of Hill Valley. Leave it to town scientist, Doc Brown, to explain the concept of an alternate reality and eventually save the day.

I looked up the definition of “alternate” and came up with some very interesting synonyms: another, substitute, replacement, stand-by, emergency, backup. Seems I’m not the only one considering whether it is plausible that life’s fearful occurrences don’t always signal “the end” or impending doom but simply imply that a change of course is required.

Hollywood is well aware of the same which is why they keep making movies about it. In the movie The Adjustment Bureau, the idea of an alternate reality is reinforced by the story of David Norris, a Congressman who runs a promising but unsuccessful campaign for U.S. Senate, until he meets and falls in love with a woman who is not part of the original “master plan” that was prepared by The Chairman of The Adjustment Bureau. The Chairman’s job is to ensure that people’s lives go according to a preordained plan. Sounds simple, right? But David Norris’ sudden shot of Cupid’s arrow alters his reality, upsets The Chairman’s plan, and causes a series of shifts and blips to occur in his life. The Chairman then spends the rest of the movie making several unsuccessful attempts to reset David Norris’ life.

Unlike the toy company, Mattel, whose dolls come with all sorts of pull strings, wind-up features, and storage compartments on their bodies, we do not come with a “RESET” button.

Life can be scary. Especially when it changes on us. But alas, we must continue onward despite our tendency to want to wallow in the nostalgic.

I promised that I would introduce you to a few folks along the way. This is Marilyn. A kind and gentle soul who has empowered me to believe that there really isn’t anything to fear in life.

Marilyn is a bit of an adventurer and loves to travel. She’s a wife, mother, and a great friend – the kind that makes you laugh. She also loves to collect all things vintage! Our kinda’ gal. But recently, Marilyn has had her share of shifts and blips. She has battled with Leukemia – and won. Sometime after, her husband of 38 years suddenly passed away.

There are two things in life that definitely scare the heck out of us: illness and death. “But it doesn’t have to,” Marilyn says. She has faced both, so I’ll take her word for it.

During a recent visit to her home, following her husband’s passing, I found Marilyn sitting at her dining room table which was covered with hospital bills and sympathy cards. Poster boards used to display photos of her husband at his funeral were propped on a chair in the corner. The room was dark and Marilyn sat with her head bowed, her hands fiddling with the band of a small wristwatch. Initially, I didn’t disturb her, wondering if perhaps she was finally taking a moment to mourn privately. Or was it a moment of fear that I was witnessing? Fear of the unknown and the dreaded repetitiveness of the question “So what will you do now?” To which I now know she would respond “The same thing I did when he was here – I’m going to live my life.”

The moment I witnessed was not a sad one or one of trepidation. Instead, it was a “RESET” moment. We may not have a button (well, maybe just our belly button) but we do have the ability to start over or change course.

You’re probably wondering why I’ve chosen to post vintage photos of Marilyn instead of recent ones. I chose these photos because these types of images are the romanticized versions of ourselves, that we choose to memorialize in photographs, so that we could look back on them years from now when we desperately need to regain our strength in moments when we feel we’ve lost our moxie.

This version of ourselves isn’t afraid to travel simply because a place or people are unknown to us. This version isn’t afraid to try something new or seek out adventure. This version of ourselves isn’t afraid to loves others, even those different from ourselves. This version doesn’t stop to calculate the time, money, and commitment it takes to be a parent or in any position of responsibility. This version of ourselves isn’t afraid to laugh or act silly for fear of what others might think of them.

This is my favorite photo of her.

Bold, beautiful, and adventurous as she looks back with her eyes full of moxie.

So what will she do now? Same thing she did before…live her life. And we, dear friends, should do the same – unafraid.

So whatever “living your life” means to you, whatever you’re facing at this moment in your life – don’t think about it, don’t be afraid, just do it, go at it with your best intentions because soon it’ll be YOU looking back as if to say “I did it and I’m still here.”